Knowing what turns you on? Easy. Actually looking at your partner and saying, “You know what I really like?” Here’s where things can get a little more interesting. 

Knowing how to talk about sex with your partner can feel surprisingly tricky, especially when you have a turn-on you've been curious about, a favorite thing your partner does that you've never mentioned, or something you'd love to try. And no, it doesn't have to become a serious “we need to talk” moment.

You don't need a perfectly worded speech or a complete list of your turn-ons. One simple question can be all you need to open up the conversation. We've got practical tips and scripts to help you share what you like without making it awkward.

Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Sex With Your Partner?

You can be completely comfortable with your partner in all the ways, and still suddenly forget how words work when it's time to share what turns you on. Knowing how to talk about sex with your partner can feel surprisingly scary when you're sharing something so personal. 

“I really like when you…” sounds easy enough – until you're actually trying to say it.

There are several reasons that hesitation might creep in:

• It feels personal. Turn-ons can reveal a side of you that you don't always put into words. Even after years together, you might still feel a little shy about sharing certain preferences.
• You might worry about their reaction. “What if they think that's weird?” is a pretty common thought. But sharing a turn-on isn't asking your partner to feel the exact same way. You're simply giving them a little more insight into what you enjoy.
• You’re unsure how to explain what you’re feeling or wanting. Sometimes your brain says, “Yep, I like that,” but offers absolutely no explanation as to why. That's okay! You don't need perfect terminology or a carefully prepared speech. “I’m not quite sure how to put this into words, but…” can be an easy way to begin. 

MENTIONABLES PROTIP: If you're struggling to put a turn-on into words, think about what part of it appeals to you – the anticipation, affection, attention, atmosphere, compliments, or something else. Sometimes that's the easiest way to find the words.

How Do You Start Talking About Sex With Your Partner?

Finding a natural way to bring it up can be easier said than done. When you're figuring out how to talk about sex with your partner, you can keep it simple.

To make breaking the ice a little less awkward, try these tips:

• Choose a relaxed moment. Pick a private, low-pressure time when you both have a chance to talk. You don't have to bring it up in the middle of an intimate moment. A casual conversation while you're relaxing together can feel much easier.
• Start with something you already enjoy. Lead with appreciation rather than criticism. Try, “I really love when you ___.” Sharing something you already enjoy can naturally open the door to talking about other things you'd like.
• Ask a question. Open the door for both of you to share. Try, “What's something you really enjoy?” “What makes you feel especially desired?” or “Is there anything you’ve been wanting to explore?” You might be surprised by what you discover together. 

MENTIONABLES PROTIP: Use a movie, show, book, or even a social-media post as a way to open up the subject. If something catches your attention, ask your partner, “Would you ever be into something like that?” This approach can make bringing up the topic feel more natural. 

Turn-On Conversation Starters & Scripts You Can Actually Use

Wondering what to say once you’ve brought it up? Sometimes having a few conversation starters tucked away makes sharing your turn-ons feel a whole lot easier. How to talk about sex with your partner can look different depending on what you want to share, whether you're feeling a little shy, or whether you're ready to dive into a more curious conversation.

Ready to put those words to work? Slip these scripts in your back pocket for the next time you want to talk about what turns you on: 

• If you're feeling a little nervous: There's nothing wrong with admitting you're slightly tongue-tied. “Okay, this feels a little awkward to say, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to share with you.” Or try, “I’ve had something on my mind that I’ve been a little nervous to bring up.” 
• If you want to share something you like: Give your partner a little hint about what you enjoy. “You know what I really love?” or “I've realized that I really like ___.” You could also say, “I always notice when you ___.” 
• If you're curious about trying something new: Put the idea out there and see where the conversation goes. “I've been curious about ___. What do you think?” Or, “Would you ever want to try ___ together?” 
• If you want to learn more about what they enjoy: Give your partner the chance to share, too. “What’s something you enjoy that you haven’t told me about?”  Another option: “Is there something I do that you especially like?” 

MENTIONABLES PROTIP: Once you've shared something, give your partner a moment to respond. A little pause can give them space to process – and share what they're thinking, too. 

What If You're Too Embarrassed to Say It Out Loud?

Sometimes you know exactly what you want to share – you just can't quite bring yourself to say it. Getting comfortable with how to talk about sex with your partner doesn't mean everything has to happen face-to-face. If saying your turn-ons out loud feels intimidating, try another approach.

Here are a few ways to make sharing feel a little more comfortable: 

• Write it down – or send it. Jot down your thoughts to figure out what you want to share, then send them as a text if saying them out loud still feels like too much.
• Use prompts or a Yes/No/Maybe list. Browse an intimacy app together, make your own list, or try a Yes/No/Maybe list to see which ideas you're both curious about. We also like the Ultimate Intimacy app for inspiration.
• Make it a game. Write down turn-ons or things you'd like to try, put them in a bowl, and take turns drawing one to discuss. It gives you something specific to react to instead of having to come up with the topic yourself.
• Talk while you're doing something else. A walk, car ride, or other casual activity can take some of the pressure off. Sometimes talking side-by-side feels easier than sitting across from each other and making it a conversation.

What If You and Your Partner Like Different Things? 

Not every turn-on is going to be a shared one, and that's part of getting to know each other. When you're figuring out how to talk about sex with your partner, you may discover that your wish lists don't always match – and that's okay. 

Here’s how to make room for differences while staying connected: 

• You don't have to be the same. Having different interests doesn't mean something is wrong with the relationship or that you have to find a compromise on every preference.
• Find the overlap. Instead of focusing on the things you don't share, pay attention to the interests, experiences, or ideas that appeal to both of you. This is where you can find some middle ground. 
• Respect the boundaries. If one of you isn't interested in something, a “no” doesn't need to become a debate. You can acknowledge the difference and move on without making either person feel awkward for having a preference.

Can Lingerie Help You Start Talking About Your Turn-Ons?

Classy lingerie can give you something fun and specific to explore together. When figuring out how to talk about sex with your partner, a little visual inspiration can make sharing preferences feel more natural.

Here are a few ways to bring lingerie into the chat: 

• Ask what catches their eye. Show your partner a few styles and see which ones they gravitate toward. You might discover a favorite you hadn't expected.
• Share what you like. Talk about the colors, fabrics, or styles you enjoy wearing. Your preferences are just as important as theirs.
• Browse together. Looking through model-free lingerie online or shopping together can make finding what you both like flirty and fun.  

MENTIONABLES PROTIP: Narrow it down to two or three lingerie styles you like and ask your partner which one grabs their attention. Giving your partner a few favorites to choose from can be easier than asking them to sort through pages of lingerie, especially if they're not sure where to start. 

FAQ: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner

Q: How do you talk about your turn-ons with your partner?

A: Talking about your turn-ons with your partner can start with a simple “I” statement about something you enjoy. Then invite your partner to share their preferences, too.

Q: How do you tell your partner what turns you on?

A: Tell your partner what turns you on by focusing on what you enjoy rather than what they are doing wrong. “I enjoy it when…” is a simple way to start.

Q: What if I'm embarrassed to talk about sex with my partner?

A: If you're embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner, start small. Write down your thoughts, send a text, or simply acknowledge that you're nervous.

Q: What if my partner and I don’t like the same things?

A: If you and your partner have different turn-ons, talk openly about what interests each of you and focus on preferences you can both explore comfortably.

Your Turn-Ons Are Worth Talking About 

A little honesty about what you enjoy can go a long way with your partner. Start with one thing you enjoy, one question you're curious about, or even a simple, “You know what I really like?” You don’t have to explain everything perfectly or all at once. 

If you're looking for a little inspiration, explore Mentionables classy lingerie and find a look that feels like you – whether your style is sweet, romantic, luxurious, or a little more daring.

Now we're curious: What's one thing that would make how to talk about sex with your partner feel a little easier? Tell us in the comments!