Ladies, let’s be real – figuring out how to initiate sex can feel a little nerve-wracking, even when you know your partner is 100% into you. Maybe you worry about “doing it right,” or maybe you’ve just fallen into the habit of letting him make the first move. 

But here’s a little secret: men love feeling desired just as much as we do. In fact, a confident woman who knows what she wants? Irresistible. 

So, if you’re ready to shake things up, boost your confidence, and take charge in the bedroom (or, you know, the kitchen counter), we’ve got you covered. Let’s explore some playful, foolproof tips on how to initiate sex – and drive him absolutely wild.

Breaking the Ice: Why Initiating Sex Feels So Difficult for Women

For many women, figuring out how to initiate sex can feel unexpectedly tricky – even in a secure, loving relationship. Traditional norms often cast men as the ones who make the first move, leaving women feeling unsure about stepping into that role. 

On top of that, societal conditioning has long positioned women as the "gatekeepers" of intimacy, placing the weight of managing when and how sex happens on their shoulders. This can shift sex from an exciting, spontaneous experience to a pressured duty or chore.

Beyond feeling pressured, many women also find themselves struggling with how to initiate sex due to:

• Fear of rejection.
• Body confidence insecurities.
• Past trauma related to intimacy.
• Feeling disconnected emotionally from your partner.
• Unresolved issues in the relationship.

Sheesh… It’s no wonder so many women hesitate to take the reins! 

But here’s the truth: your partner wants you to initiate. Leading the way in intimacy can be incredibly exciting and empowering. With some guidance, a little confidence (and maybe some sexy lingerie), we promise you’ll be turning up the heat in no time.

How To Initiate Sex: Set the Mood (Because Foreplay Starts Outside the Bedroom)

Just as women often appreciate being romanced before intimacy, men can also enjoy a little build-up and anticipation. A playful touch, a lingering look, or even a flirty whisper can set the stage for a steamy night ahead. The trick is creating an atmosphere of desire that keeps him guessing and eagerly anticipating what comes next. 

Here’s how to initiate sex in a teasing yet irresistible way:

• Send suggestive texts throughout the day: Drop little hints and get your partner thinking about what’s on your mind. Need ideas? Check out our how to start sexting blog for some spicy inspo.
• Surprise physical touch: Brush past him, squeeze his backside, kiss his neck, or whisper something “naughty” in his ear.
• Dress the part: Whether it’s his favorite perfume scent, an outfit of yours, or a lacy little something from Mentionables underneath your clothes.
• Show authentic excitement: Let your words and body language reflect your genuine enthusiasm and appreciation for your partner when you're in the moment together.

PROTIP: If your partner resonates with either the energetic or sensual erotic blueprints (learn more in our blog post on the five erotic blueprint types), this subtle style of initiation can be particularly exciting.

How To Initiate Sex: Speak His Language (Hint: It’s Not Always Words)

Men, (gotta love them), aren’t always the best at reading between the lines, so knowing how to initiate sex more directly tends to be most effective. A bit of boldness can really help get your message across, but that doesn’t always mean you have to use words (which is perfect if sexy talk feels awkward or uncomfortable). 

Try experimenting with both playful and straightforward methods to see what gets the biggest reaction. Don’t be afraid to get creative and find a rhythm that works for both of you – sometimes, even letting body language do the talking instead.

Here are some tried-and-true clear initiation techniques that many men absolutely love:

• Use unmistakable verbal cues: Phrases like, "I need you now," or "I have something sexy planned for later."
• Use your hands: Express your desires by letting your hands wander, wherever you feel inclined…
• Try a nonverbal initiation approach: Turn a quick peck into a passionate kiss, guide him to the bedroom, straddle his lap, or simply reach for what you want. 
• Be playfully dominant: Push him up against the wall for a makeout session or start to slowly undress him. (Partners with a kinky or sexual erotic blueprint are sure to enjoy these bold initiation moves.)

PROTIP: The ticket to mastering how to initiate sex is understanding what excites your partner. For expert advice, check out our favorite sex therapist, Vanessa Marin’s free initiation style guide, which offers tips on discovering both your and your partner’s preferred ways to kick off intimacy.

How To Initiate Sex: Confidence is the Secret Ingredient

When you ask men what they crave most from their partner during sex, the answer is nearly always the same: confidence. Confidence is universally attractive, but it seems to have a special allure for men. Maybe it’s because a self-assured woman confidently expressing her desires makes her partner feel truly wanted, or perhaps it's because, in life and work, men often find themselves in charge, and they appreciate the opportunity to simply respond. Whatever the reason, confidence is undeniably sexy and an essential tool in how to initiate sex as a woman.

So, how do you exude that confidence? Here are some ideas:

• Own your desires: Nothing is more alluring than a woman who knows exactly what she wants, especially when it comes to sexy time. 
• Ditch the overthinking: Your partner isn’t judging you; they’re excited. If the moment strikes and you’re in a safe, loving relationship, seize it. Men often don’t need as much build-up, so don’t be shy about making the first move.
• If nerves creep in, remember: Lingerie is like your secret weapon for the bedroom.  And if you’re feeling unsure about rocking lingerie, check out our blog post here for tips on how to feel confident in your body and your lacies. 
• Embrace the playful side: Laughter, even nervous giggles, can add to the fun. Flirting and being a little silly are part of the playful energy that keeps a sexual relationship vibrant and exciting.

PROTIP: Confidence doesn't always mean being loud or overt – it can also mean feeling comfortable in your own skin. The more you embrace your desires without hesitation, the more naturally confident you'll feel. And that confidence? It’s contagious. Your partner can pick up on it and be equally turned on by your self-assurance.

How To Initiate Sex: Fun Ways to Take Charge Tonight

Ready to unleash your inner bombshell and leave your partner absolutely captivated? If this article has boosted your confidence and you're itching to take charge in the bedroom, we’ve rounded up some of our top, man-approved techniques on how to initiate sex. These approaches blend playful teasing, bold moves, and creative ways to spark the flame.

Here are several ways to take charge and spark desire, leaving your partner wanting more:

• Lingerie Reveal: Ditch the usual pajamas and slip into something silky for an enticing surprise. If your partner usually comes to bed later, be ready and waiting in your lingerie – letting them “discover” that tonight is anything but ordinary. Psst… It's also the perfect opportunity to show off any “new additions” to your lingerie collection.
• The Movie Scene Move: Recreate a steamy moment from your favorite film or novel (Phantom of the Opera or Bridgerton, anyone?). It’s like bringing the fantasy to life, and who wouldn’t love that?
• The “Going Commando” To Bed Trick: A fun and flirty way to send a clear message for your partner to find. It’s unexpected, bold, and guaranteed to make him grin. 
• Midday Tease: Send your partner a “menu” of lingerie options, maybe with a theme or color choices, as a tempting preview for later. A teasing message like “Can’t wait to show you your choice tonight” paired with a hint of lacey lingerie will keep his mind spinning all day.
• Get Creative: Send a playful note with a Skor candy bar saying, “Wanna Skor tonight?” You can also suggest playing a sexy game like bedroom dice or truth or dare cards, or even set up a fantasy of your partner’s and make it come true. 
• Sensory Tease: Design a night of foreplay centered around one sense, using blindfolds, sensual massages, and a variety of tantalizing touches to heighten the experience.

Wonder How To Initiate Sex? Own Your Confidence & Turn Up the Heat

When it comes to how to initiate sex, confidence is everything – embrace your desires, and you’ll not only feel more empowered but also undeniably irresistible. Whether you keep it flirty, bold, or completely tantalizing, the goal is to have fun and own your sensuality. And trust us, your partner will love every second of it.

And what better way to set the mood than with lingerie that makes you feel like your most daring, sexy self? Explore Mentionables’ confidence-boosting, classy lingerie (including our strikingly bold new cobalt blue lingerie collection) and find the perfect piece to turn up the heat tonight.

What are your best tips on how to initiate sex? Help your fellow Mentionables gals out and share below! Do you have any favorite lingerie pieces that help you out in this arena?