For many women, sex has come with a whirlwind of mixed messages (guard it, don’t desire it too much, keep it quiet, it’s mostly for men), and then suddenly you’re supposed to fully enjoy it without missing a beat. That’s quite the plot twist.

If you’ve ever searched for sex advice for women because intimacy feels awkward, intimidating, emotional, painful, or confusing, you’re not alone – and you’re not broken.

We’re teaming up once again with one of our favorite sex educators, Carlie Palmer Webb (click here for our previous collab), to expertly tackle some of your burning questions about shame, desire, orgasm, pain, and what actually makes sex “good.” 

Consider this your permission slip to step into intimacy with curiosity, knowledge, and confidence – not guilt.

Sex Advice For Women: Releasing Guilt & Shame

The way many of us were taught about intimacy growing up has shaped how we show up in our relationships, often in ways that aren’t helpful. If you’ve internalized the belief that sex and sensuality are wrong, those ideas don’t just disappear overnight – your body and mind need time to catch up.

So, it’s no surprise that many women are left wondering how to release guilt and shame in the bedroom, or how to feel comfortable embracing their sexuality after years of it feeling off-limits. That’s where thoughtful, grounded sex advice for women can make all the difference. 

Let’s pass the mic to our wise (and refreshingly honest) expert friend, Carlie, as she dives into these very real, very relatable questions. Here’s what she has to say:

• Letting go of sexual shame is a journey – This is something that takes time, practice, and effort to work through. You were taught certain beliefs your whole life, and it's going to take time to “unlearn” them. Give yourself (and your partner) grace and patience as you move through this process together.
• “Reeducate” yourself with positive sex resources – The goal here is to replace unhelpful messages with truth and goodness. Rewrite the story you were told and decide what you want your sexual values and desires to look like moving forward. Therapy, online courses, or coaching can also be super helpful with untangling these negative beliefs and creating new uplifting ones. 
• Know that attraction and sexual desire are not bad things – These are healthy, necessary parts of an intimate relationship with a committed partner, even natural gifts we’ve been given as humans. They’re not the same as lust, which seeks selfish gratification at someone else’s expense and without consent. Passionate, loving sex between you and your partner isn’t at odds with your values.
• Use affirmations to help change your thoughts – Incorporate these sayings into your daily routine to help you start reframing your thinking around sex and being sexy: “I can be a good woman and love sex”. “Offering pleasure to my partner is a gift”. “Our sexual relationship, as long as it’s committed, kind, and fully consensual, is good”. 

And here are some of Carlie’s most recommended resources to help you start dismantling sexual shame:

• Sheila Wray’s book, “The Great Sex Rescue”.  
• Camden Morgante’s book, “Recovering From Purity Culture: Dismantle the Myths, Reject Shame-Based Sexuality, and Move Forward in Your Faith”. 
• Carlie’s free webinar class “5 Things To Know Pre-Honeymoon”.

Carlie’s online course for Newlyweds.

Sex Advice For Women: Turn Off Your Brain and Get In Your Body

Moving past shame and guilt in the bedroom is an incredibly common issue women face today – but it isn’t the only hurdle when it comes to intimacy. Women in particular also struggle with staying present during sex, navigating mismatched desire timing, or defining what good, healthy sex looks like in real life.

These struggles aren’t about lack of love or attraction – they’re about pressure, education gaps, and overwhelmed brains that just won’t quit. Clear, practical sex advice for women hasn’t always been easy to find, either. And between long to-do lists, body insecurities, and not always knowing what to expect from intimacy, it’s no wonder it can be hard to switch from “go-mode” to being fully present in the moment.

The good news? There are many simple ways to work through these challenges. 

Here are a few places Carlie suggests to start:

• Understand your desire type and give yourself time to warm up – Many women experience responsive desire, meaning sexual desire often shows up after intimacy begins (like cuddling, kissing, or physical closeness), rather than spontaneously. This is completely normal and may simply mean needing more comfort, connection, and emotional openness to get started. Scheduling sex and giving yourself time in advance to mentally and emotionally prepare can also help support responsive desire.
• Check in with yourself emotionally and physically – Ask, Can I say yes as an expression of love, not out of duty or guilt? Do I have the energy to be fully present? If yes, ask what might help you feel more open or relaxed in the moment, and share that with your partner.
• Use bridging activities to shift into intimacy mode – Transitioning from work or caretaker roles into lover mode might mean taking a relaxing shower, thinking about past sexual encounters, reading, putting on classy lingerie, listening to music, playing sexy games, or spending quiet time connecting with your partner. Find what works for you! For more bridging activity ideas, check out our blog post here.
• Communicate openly with your partner – Desire, timing, preferences, and what feels good can look different for everyone – and that’s completely okay. What matters is having honest communication, which helps build safety, trust, and emotional connection. Remember, a “no” must always be allowed and respected for true safety to exist, because nothing kills desire faster than pressure or expectation.
• Practice presence and release performance pressure – Focus on breathing and pleasurable physical sensations in your body to help turn off some of the “brain noise”. This helps keep you grounded in the present moment. And know that good sex isn’t about mirroring what you see in media – it’s about intimacy, trust, consent, and mutual enjoyment. Sex that both partners thoroughly enjoy, fully consent to, and feel safe with counts as good sex.
  
  

For even more help with these issues, Carlie says to check out:

• Emily Nagoski’s book, “Come As You Are”.
• Carlie’s 20 Questions To Ask Your Spouse About Sex.
• Carlie’s mini webinar, 3 Days to Better Sex with Your Spouse.

Carlie’s free Initiation Style Guide.

Sex Advice For Women: First Time Myths & Orgasm Pressure

First-time sex can carry so much anxiety and misconceptions for women, especially when it comes to pleasure, pain, and expectations. Good sex advice for women often includes separating reality from the myths we see in the media and understanding how real bodies actually work.

It’s vital to understand that intimacy is a learning experience, not a performance test. When you let go of the pressure to be perfect, it becomes easier to focus on comfort, safety, and emotional connection.

Here are a few important things Carlie says to remember when it comes to first-time sex and managing expectations around pleasure and pain:

• First-time sex is not a Hollywood montage – Real intimacy is usually slower, a little awkward, and more focused on comfort and emotional connection than performance –  and that’s completely normal. We’ve got a whole blog post about this here if you want to learn more. 
• First-time sex shouldn’t automatically be painful – While some discomfort can happen as your body adjusts to new sensations, severe or persistent pain is abnormal and should be addressed with a healthcare provider.
• It’s normal not to orgasm the first time – This is especially true for women. It’s going to take time to learn your body, your partner’s body, what each of you finds pleasurable, and to get comfortable with this new level of intimacy. Bodies need safety, arousal, relaxation, and practice before orgasm becomes more common or consistent. Orgasm isn’t a measure of worth, success, or how “good” sex is – connection, safety, and mutual enjoyment matter far more.
• Understand pain vs. discomfort – Painful sex is not normal, though some mild new sensations can occur as you become more sexually active. Sharp, ongoing, or worsening pain should be evaluated by a medical professional, as pain can be linked to medical, hormonal, or psychological factors such as childbirth recovery, menopause, anxiety, or pelvic conditions. Effective treatment and solutions are available, and pain should never be ignored, “pushed through,” or tolerated.

For more support on learning how to enjoy sex more, check out Carlie’s free Women-Tell-All Learning How to Orgasm Guide. 

Sex Advice For Women: Sex Is a Skill, Not a Test

Good sex advice for women often comes down to one powerful truth – sex is not something you pass or fail. Intimacy is built over time through communication, comfort, and experience. Desire grows with connection and emotional safety, and confidence develops as you learn more about your own body and what feels good to you.

If you’re feeling unsure or behind, these helpful reminders from Carlie can help reframe how you think about sex and growth:

• Sex is a skill, not a performance test – There is no deadline for “getting it right,” and intimacy improves with practice, communication, and opportunities to learn and grow.
• Intimacy is built over time – Trust, emotional connection, and safety help create more satisfying sexual experiences.
• Desire can grow and change – Sexual self- confidence often develops as you learn what your body and mind need.
• Confidence comes from understanding yourself – Learning your preferences, boundaries, and pleasure responses is part of healthy sexual growth.
• Lingerie can be a tool for embodiment, not performance – The right lingerie pieces can help you feel beautiful, connected to your body, and more in touch with your femininity and sensuality – without adding pressure to perform. If feeling confident in lingerie is a struggle, we’ve got you covered with our blog post here.

Intimacy Is Meant to Be Learned, Not Perfected

As you move forward, remember that intimacy is a journey, not a destination. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away. With patience, education, communication, and self-compassion, sex can shift from feeling pressured to becoming a space for deeper bonding, shared pleasure, and growth together as partners. Wherever you are in your story (single, engaged, newlywed, or long-term married), you deserve to feel safe, desired, and empowered in your own sexuality.

And, if that includes beautiful lingerie that helps you feel like your best self? Even better.

Explore Mentionables for classy lingerie that helps you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, and visit Carlie Palmer Webb’s website and her Instagram page for more expert sex advice for women.

We want to know: What’s one belief about sex you’re currently unlearning? Share your thoughts below and don’t be shy – we’re all pals here!

Intimacy Is Meant to Be Learned, Not Perfected

As you move forward, remember that intimacy is a journey, not a destination. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away. With patience, education, communication, and self-compassion, sex can shift from feeling pressured to becoming a space for deeper bonding, shared pleasure, and growth together as partners. Wherever you are in your story (single, engaged, newlywed, or long-term married), you deserve to feel safe, desired, and empowered in your own sexuality.

And, if that includes beautiful lingerie that helps you feel like your best self? Even better.

Explore Mentionables for classy lingerie that helps you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, and visit Carlie Palmer Webb’s website and her Instagram page for more expert sex advice for women.

We want to know: What’s one belief about sex you’re currently unlearning? Share your thoughts below and don’t be shy – we’re all pals here!